Surrender

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Dear Universe,

I surrender. 

But this does not mean I’m giving up. 

Giving up indicates a lack of strength & resolve. Giving up means you quit. I’m not a quitter. Never have been, and likely never will be.

Surrendering implies a deeper understanding…a realization that one is powerless over the current situation & an acknowledgement of both release & detachment. Not from an absence of resolve, but from sheer humility. Because sometimes, surrendering takes a courage & strength that are not present in the act of giving up. 

Sometimes, surrendering is the only way to move forward…

Unlocked

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“The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not “the thinker.” The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter – beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace – arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken.”

I’ve been through a lot throughout the course of my life.  Many details, I do not publicly disclose out of the desire to protect the integrity and identity of people I hold dear to my heart. I’ll vaguely imply certain occurrences and experiences, but there are some things that I feel are best kept close to home. That said, I still have the need to vent through writing. It’s how I process, and heal, and grow.

Life dealt me a difficult hand recently. One that I had no time to foresee or prepare for. But it’s not the first time I’ve been hit with an unexpected blow. Because of that, I’ve gotten pretty good at staying on my feet. Crisis mode does not always bring out the best in me, but it challenges me and inspires personal paradigm shifts that have resulted in some of my most significant growth.

Labor day weekend, for me and my loved ones, was most definitely laborious. Circumstances brought about abrupt change and afforded little time for adjustment. The word brutal comes to mind. I was rendered completely numb for several days….

And then, I began to respond. And in times like these, I respond the only way I know how. By protectively clinging to those I love most, and systematically attacking each and every obstacle in my way. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am an optomist.

Many, many years ago, I picked up Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now. It was nothing short of life-changing. In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself reaching for that book again, along with its sequel, A New Earth. One of the most powerful lessons I’ve taken away from these books is that life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. The other is that whatever we chose to fight, we strengthen. And whatever we resist, persists. In short, we need to learn to let go…of circumstances beyond our control, our attachments, and of our ego.

In the days following labor day, my ego was raging. All I could focus on were the ways in which I  had been hurt, and wronged, and would suffer. As time passed, it became easier for me to refocus and realize that the only thing I can control is my reaction to situations. That’s really all any of us can do.

In the past, I thought I’d been given a crash course in suffering, strength, and control. In reality, all my past experiences were only trial runs for the one that just occurred. Everything I thought I had learned and mastered were petty annoyances compared to the lessons I’m subject to now. But I have always considered myself a student of life. And I embrace learning and change.

Here is what I know:

We are bound to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness if we take everything personally. We need to learn to silence our egos, or else we risk being constantly hurt, angry, & resentful.

True love is unconditional. And where there is true love, there is no ego. Tolle states that, “A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever.” Consider that for a moment. A love free of expectations, conditions, and terms. A love purely for the sake of love. The only time I can truly say I’ve achieved that kind of love is with my children. Now, for the first time in my life, I am learning how to maintain unconditional love outside of my biological realm, And it is truly a humbling place. No expectations, no societal constraints. Just love for the sake of love.

Life will go on. Routines will adjust accordingly. And thankfully I am blessed with a career that I love, friends that are solid, family that is loyal, and special interests that are currently taking off in a big way. I’ll be okay.

Through crisis, I have become acquainted with a part of myself that hadn’t been familiar before. And I like who I see.

Unlocked. Unblocked, and the future is wide open…